just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
