I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
