Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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