I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
