I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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