I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
