She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
