I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
