On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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