i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
