She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
