No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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