I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We got so high we made milksteak
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
