All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
