I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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