Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
