We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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