Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
