Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
