I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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