My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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