You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
