Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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