:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
