my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
