There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
