Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
