I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
