someone threw a dead crab at me
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
