we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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