what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
