Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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