Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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