Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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