The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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