so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
