went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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