At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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