i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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