Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
