I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
