Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
