Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
