Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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