if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
