i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
