if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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