Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
