I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
