just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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